Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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