dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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