Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
