I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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