he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i've created a new STD.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
