omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
