My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
