Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize