yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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