Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
