YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize