I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
