If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
