i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize