3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
