3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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