I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
