but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
