I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
