That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
