there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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