remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
