After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize