Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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