Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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