I got chris browned last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
