Who wears a wallet chain?!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
