it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
