just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
