I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
