he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
