Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize