he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
