I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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