we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
