Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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