u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
