apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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