I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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