yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
