around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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