even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
