What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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