Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
bring money and cleavage
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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