How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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