how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
