It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
