We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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