no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can I color on your dick again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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