conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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