btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
