Screwed.edu
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
