So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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