just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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