Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
