nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
