he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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