You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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