I will die if light touches me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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