dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
