where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize