I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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