I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
