it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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