hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
