To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
